Let's be honest, most one-on-one meetings are a waste of time. They're often rushed, unproductive check-ins that everyone dreads. A great 1:1 is different. It's the foundation of real mentorship, where you stop talking about tasks and start building careers. After more than 15 years in software engineering and leadership, here are a few thoughts I've gathered along the way.
The foundation: Setting the stage for a great 1:1
Before you even book the first meeting, you need to lay the groundwork. Think of it as the 'Sprint Zero' for your 1:1s. The quality of these meetings isn't defined by a rigid agenda; it's measured by the trust and understanding you build with your team member. This first conversation sets the tone for your entire professional relationship.
The 'never too late' discussion
If you haven't already had this foundational conversation, now's the time. Ask your team member:
"What do you want out of this time?"
This is a powerful opener that helps you understand their primary motivation. Are they a self-starter who just needs a high-level check-in every few weeks, or do they thrive on regular, structured progress updates? Their answer dictates your approach.
"How do you like to receive feedback?"
Feedback is the engine of growth, but it only works if it's received well. Some people prefer a direct, no-nonsense approach, while others need a more gentle, point-by-point discussion. Knowing their preference prevents miscommunication and ensures your guidance actually lands.
"How do you like to be recognised for your work?"
This question helps you understand what makes someone feel valued. Public praise might motivate one person but mortify another who'd prefer a private thank you. Acknowledging good work is important, but acknowledging it the right way is what builds trust.
"What's the best way I can support you when you're stuck?"
This helps you understand their problem-solving style. Some people need to wrestle with a problem for a while before asking for help; others work best by talking through a solution as soon as they hit a blocker. This question shows you're there to help them succeed in a way that respects their process.
The career discussion: Where are you at and where are you going?
As a mentor, your role is to be a guide and a sounding board. You can't help someone on their journey if you don't know where they're hoping to go.
"Do you have a 1, 3, and 5-year plan for your career?"
This might sound like a formal, corporate exercise, but it's really a way to spark a conversation about their long-term ambitions. If they don't have a plan, that's okay.
The follow-up is key:
"Would you like help thinking through some of the options?"
This positions you as a partner in their journey.
Building rapport
Your relationship is about more than just tickets on a board. We work with people, and building a genuine human connection is essential. Your aim is to become a trusted colleague who is seen as fair and supportive.
- Find common ground: Take the first few minutes of every meeting for a real catch-up. Don't dive straight into business. Ask about their weekend, their family, or their holidays. Share something about your own life, too. Find that common ground to "shoot the shit" about. You're building the foundations of a professional friendship.
- Actively listen: These conversations aren't just for collecting information. Sometimes, your job is simply to be an ear for someone in a tight spot. Being a sounding board and an unblocking force for your team is incredibly valuable.
Get organised with a shared agenda
The biggest enemy of an effective 1:1 is a lack of preparation. How many times have you walked into a meeting straight from three others, this morning's tasks still swirling around in your mind, only to forget what you discussed last time? The solution is simple: externalise your memory.
Use a shared Trello board
A shared, living agenda makes all the difference. Trello has a 1:1 meeting board template that's perfect for this. It takes two minutes to set up and provides endless value. https://trello.com/templates/team-management/1-on-1-meeting-agenda-FoIwUPz2
Encourage mentees to contribute
Coach your team member to add cards to their column as topics come to mind. This empowers them to own the discussion and ensures their concerns are never forgotten.
Mentor's responsibility
As the mentor, you need to lead by example. Update your column with discussion points at least two days before the meeting. This gives your mentee time to scan the board and think about the topics in advance, ensuring they arrive prepared.
Be clear
A card with a cryptic title is useless. Fill out each card with enough context to refresh your memory and prevent unnecessary confusion.
Consistency
This process requires only about 15 minutes a week to stay on top of. If you’re not putting in the effort as the mentor, what example are you setting? The best mentors are consistent, and this small habit reinforces your commitment to their growth.
A fluid 30-minute meeting format
This structure provides a framework but allows for flexibility. The timings are just suggestions, so adjust them as needed based on the conversation's flow.
- 5 Minutes: Catch-up. Start here, every time. This is where you continue to build rapport. Don't skip it.
- 10 Minutes: Review in-progress cards. Go through the items from the last meeting. What progress has been made? What roadblocks have appeared? This provides continuity and a sense of forward momentum.
- 10 Minutes: Discuss new cards and capture actions. This is the core of the meeting. Tackle new topics and immediately capture any follow-up actions.
- 5 Minutes: Review actions. Before you end, quickly summarise the agreed-upon actions. Who is doing what, and by when? This ensures clarity and accountability for both of you.
An important note
Remember, not every meeting needs to be 'productive' in the traditional sense. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is simply listen. Your mentee might be facing a personal challenge, a tight spot with a colleague, or a moment of self-doubt. In these moments, your role isn't to solve their problem but to be a supportive presence. If you can do something outside of the 1:1 to make their life easier, whether it's unblocking a technical hurdle or advocating for them, use your influence to make a positive impact.
Good 1:1s can be the difference between someone feeling supported enough to find their spark and someone who just shows up to do a job. But mentoring isn't a one-way street. The trust you build and the insights you gain won't just make your team more effective; they'll also make your job as a leader infinitely more rewarding. There's nothing quite like spending months preparing a mentee for their first public speaking engagement and then being in the front row, cheering them on.